Another image I have in my min>d is of a movie "Bring Ashley Home". When I first watched this movie in 2011, Kaitlyn's life had not spiraled out of control yet. Last year, it was on cable again, but I couldn't even bring myself to think about watching it because of its all too real similarity to Kaitlyn's story. This video is a clip of scenes from the movie combined with a beautiful Casting Crowns song. Not a second goes by that I do not wonder myself, "Does Anybody Hear Her"?
*** The original video I had was removed by youtube, so I uploaded this one. When I searched on youtube, I found this one, and it had such a powerful message that I chose it over many others. If you watch this on youtube, you will see so many comments from people who feel lost, abandoned, hurt, unwanted.
Both Lily and Libba are sisters. I don't know if Melanie or Whitney will ever feel strongly enough about Kaitlyn's salvation to risk so much to help her, but I know that I do. I think about all the hours spent in complete enraptured prayer literally screaming and begging God to save Kaitlyn. I think also about all the hours of driving around looking for Kaitlyn, making phone calls, tracking down leads. I think about all the hugs, love, kindness and insults endured as I've tried desperately to hold onto a tiny, fragile thread of connection to my beautiful daughter. It's almost impossible to separate her mental illness / addiction from the person she is (was, could be). Each day just has to be about that day. Each second has to be about that second. Most people cannot handle this. I am not sure some days that I am handling it at all.
February 2006
What Happened? © Angelita Alvarez
What was she thinking knowing she'd be putting her life to waste.
This is my sister and I love her with all my heart,
But doing drugs has only kept us far apart.
I never thought she would end up this way,
It hurts me knowing I can't help her, so all I do is pray,
I pray for her to open her eyes before it's too late.
Dealing drugs and stealing became her hobby,
I guess she doesn't care if her kids end up without a mommy.
Why can't she be the way she was before?
Now that was my sister, the one that always loved me more.
She was my best friend, we were always together,
Nothing ever kept us apart because we promised we'd be sisters forever.
I guess forever finally came to an end.
She don't love me anymore now, Heroin became her new friend.
I cry every time something reminds me of my sister,
I feel anger and pain inside knowing I can't help her.
But I won't lose faith,
Every night I will pray,
Cause I know someday God will show her the way.
So now I put this poem to an end and wish only for the best,
I pray it's never my sister who will someday be laid to rest!
This is my sister and I love her with all my heart,
But doing drugs has only kept us far apart.
I never thought she would end up this way,
It hurts me knowing I can't help her, so all I do is pray,
I pray for her to open her eyes before it's too late.
Dealing drugs and stealing became her hobby,
I guess she doesn't care if her kids end up without a mommy.
Why can't she be the way she was before?
Now that was my sister, the one that always loved me more.
She was my best friend, we were always together,
Nothing ever kept us apart because we promised we'd be sisters forever.
I guess forever finally came to an end.
She don't love me anymore now, Heroin became her new friend.
I cry every time something reminds me of my sister,
I feel anger and pain inside knowing I can't help her.
But I won't lose faith,
Every night I will pray,
Cause I know someday God will show her the way.
So now I put this poem to an end and wish only for the best,
I pray it's never my sister who will someday be laid to rest!
I really don't have too much to say about this, but I did want to make a note about the feelings watching this episode of "Cold Case" stirred in me. Kaitlyn's situation is not promising as of today. All I can do is pray and continue to have faith in her.
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