You Don't Know

Originally written January 21, 2013................I was reminded of this today by a very close friend.  Its humbling effect I cannot even begin to explain.

You don't know because you are not her mother.
I know it's hard to see beyond the shadows of right now,
but you don't know, because you are not her mother.

The choice to love her is mine, and even when it is hard
I love her so much because she needs me to.
The choice to love her came the moment I chose to have her.

You don't know because you are not her mother.

Even when she makes bad choices, 
I see the potential inside her.
Looking beyond the right now, I can forgive.

When I think of Kaitlyn, I think of how often she would draw these sad figures.    I would always tell her, "I love you."  I understood the irony of these lonely figures and possibly what Kaitlyn was trying to say as she drew them.  I saw this cute lil' poster in Whitney's closet, and at first glance, my heart literally stopped.  My pain has no definition.  Each long agonizing day turns into another, and my dreams are full of horrendous images.

So naive..............so completely naive.  I thought that by loving her more than anyone should ever love another, I could shield my children from the cruel pain in this world.  I want to reach backward in time and redo so much, especially with Kaitlyn.  I pray...........no beg.............God to deliver her to safety.